


pray for me

by orphan_account



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, M/M, Polyamory, this is the final fantasy 10 au no one asked for but im bringing to the table
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-04-25 09:06:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14375556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Allen would never stop, not as long as he lived.And that was the problem.





	1. Chapter 1

The first time Allen expressed any interest at all in becoming a summoner, everyone around him was against it. None more so than Kanda and Link.

“Absolutely not,” Link said, firmly yet with a distinct tone of worry seeping its way into his words. “You know what will happen if you do.”

Allen had already been an apprentice for a while, something everyone had accepted cautiously. Not all apprentices become full fledged summoners, after all. It didn’t mean Allen’s doom automatically if he was an apprentice. Hell, it didn’t even mean his doom even if he _did_ become a summoner.

But everyone knew how Allen _was_.

He would accept absolutely no less than the whole journey, even knowing what lies waiting at the end. Ever the martyr.

Allen smiled at Link, an empty smile, Link saw right through it immediately.

“I know what will happen, Link,” Allen said softly, putting a hand on Link’s shoulder and giving it a small, reassuring squeeze. It wasn’t. Not at all. “But I can’t just stand by while people are dying every day. Do you understand?”

The light was dim in the tent they were talking in, with Kanda outside doing goodness knows what. It was difficult to see the expression Link was putting on, but Allen already knew it very well. They’d had this discussion a dozen times. Link had an expression of utter resignation on his face.

He knew absolutely nothing could be done to change Allen’s mind.

“As you will,” Link said quietly, standing up a little straighter. “I know I won’t be able to stop you anyway. I’ll be with you.” His resolve was tenuous, but still present. It was endearing in its own right. Allen smiled, warm this time, kindling a small fire in Link’s stomach.

“Thank you, Link,” Allen said, pulling him into a very brief hug. Neither Link nor Kanda were all that fond of physical affection, Allen found that out relatively quickly, but hugs here and there were welcome. At times like this especially.

Link closed his eyes and let himself melt into the hug. Although brief, it was a spectacular reassurance for him. Link backed away first, knowing full well Allen could hug forever if one let him, and gave him a very small smile.

“Whenever you’re ready,” he said, taking a bow, and looking back to Allen.

“I won’t go until I’ve told Kanda,” Allen said, a bit of worry in his voice. Link, although persistent, would still cave if Allen pushed hard enough. Kanda was more unstable, it was difficult to guess what his reaction to anything would be, even more so with something like this. He didn’t seem to be decided on what exactly he thought about it at all. He, like he did with most things, just got angry when it was brought up.

Allen took a deep breath, moved to hold onto Link’s hand, squeezed it slightly, and went to go outside. Kanda couldn’t have gone far at all, they figured. There was a place overlooking the whole town that he frequented when he wanted to be alone. He would sit and meditate in that spot, away from what little hustle and bustle there was in the town itself.

It wasn’t a very far walk by any means, something which didn’t bother anyone most of the time but definitely bothered them then. Kanda was up there, cross-legged, perfectly still. He had to have heard them coming, as his face went from neutral to slightly irritated.

“What is it?” Kanda said, tone level despite himself.

Allen shifted a little bit. “It’s a nice night out. Link and I thought it would be good to spend it with you,” he said, an empty smile working its way on his face. Kanda glanced over at Allen for a split second before scoffing and closing his eyes again.

“No, you didn’t, beansprout,” Kanda said. “And if you did, then go away.”

“Okay!” Allen said, smile growing all the wider. “You heard him, Link! Let’s g-”

“Allen, please,” Link said, stopping him by grabbing onto his arm and turning him around firmly, pushing him toward Kanda. “Tell him.”

“Fine,” Allen said quietly, putting his hand into Link’s again for comfort. Link squeezed a little, a reassuring gesture. “I’ve decided to become a full fledged summoner.”

Kanda sighed and stayed quiet for a while. Without that initial reaction, it could almost be thought that he didn’t even hear what Allen said at all. The silence went on for several minutes, the tension was nearly palpable.

“Why?” Kanda said at long last, quiet and clipped.

Allen laughed a little, pulling his hand away from the safety of Link’s and stepping closer to Kanda. “I’ve told you a hundred times why at this point, you should know by now.”

“Why do you want to die so badly?” Kanda said, voice shaking slightly with something, whether it was anger or something else was unknown, but he was now looking directly at Allen, expression almost entirely unreadable.

“It’s not that I want to _die_ , Kanda,” Allen said. “I’m not doing this to just go out and die.”

“You might as well be,” Kanda yelled, standing up and walking over to Allen, standing in front of him with arms crossed. “You don’t need to sacrifice yourself like this! It’s pointless!”

“Please, Kanda. I’ve told you why I need to,” Allen said quietly, looking down to the ground instead of at Kanda. “You can’t change my mind.”

“Self-sacrificing bastard… then why even bother coming here?”

“Because I thought you should know. You can make your decision, whether you want to be my guardian or not, but I’m going.” Allen said, turning away and walking toward Link, motioning to leave.

Only when Allen and Link were out of sight did Kanda allow himself to crumble. He would’ve screamed if he didn’t already know that the townspeople would hear it. He couldn’t humiliate himself like that, no matter what the situation was.

He hid behind the statue that was at that spot, meant for prayer, and allowed himself to cry, completely silent.

_Not again…_

* * *

Allen and Link went directly to the temple after that, not saying a word to each other until they reached the chamber. Allen took a deep breath and looked back toward Link, smiling.

“Wish me luck!” He said, giving a quick kiss to Link before going inside, leaving Link there on his own. He stood in front of the door protectively. As if anyone would dare to come in and threaten Allen’s ascension, but it didn’t matter then. Link needed, just for now, to feel like he really could protect Allen.

Within 30 minutes the door to the chamber had opened once more and Link knew immediately who it was, but he was still shocked nevertheless when he saw none other than Kanda show up through the shadows, coming into the dimly lit, though exceedingly decorative chamber. Link idly thought that it a place with this much detail put into it aught not be lit by little more than candlelight, but that thought was quickly pushed away, attention drawn once more to Kanda

“I didn’t think you’d come,” Link said, voice portraying the shock he felt in part.

“Of course I would. _Someone_ needs to save his ass,” Kanda grumbled, sitting down on the steps to the door where Allen was at.

“How considerate,” Link scoffed, rolling his eyes. “But thank you.”

“No need to thank me, Howard,” Kanda said, smirking.

“...What made you come around?” Link asked after a while, his tone was almost gentle, clearly careful, like he was walking on a minefield.

He practically was.

Kanda shrugged.

“Come on, don’t act like you don’t already know why.”

“I don’t, which is why I asked.”

“Listen, I’m not going to get sentimental for you of all people if that’s what you’re expecting, okay? I have my reasons, I’m here now, that’s all that matters.” Kanda’s tone was clipped and he crossed his arms, closing himself off physically from Link and the whole conversation.

“Of course. Apologies,” Link said, bowing politely even though he knew Kanda couldn’t see it. They then sat there together in somewhat comfortable, if tense, silence. That was perfectly alright, the hymn that played was more than enough to ensure that the silence wasn't too jarring. The calm, almost somber tones of more who had sacrificed themselves for the sake of this never ending battle. 

It took a few hours for Allen to come back, and when he did, he leapt toward Link immediately, hugging him excitedly. Even though he looked exhausted, he had enough energy for this. Kanda also ran up toward him the second he heard the door open, hesitating there as Allen hugged Link. Allen, before too long, pulled Kanda in as well, holding them both close, a little short of breath. He gave both of them a kiss on the cheek before allowing himself to relax, to close his eyes. He could fall asleep that way, he realized. Hugging both of them in the middle of the chamber. He sighed then, sinking further into the warmth of Kanda and Link.

“I did it.” Allen said softly. And that was all that needed to be said.

Kanda and Link simultaneously sighed. As much as they wanted to be happy for Allen, this was practically a death sentence.

Allen would never stop, not as long as he lived.

And that was the problem.

Neither Kanda nor Link said anything at all in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i replayed ff10 recently and this came to be. this is the most self indulgent thing ive ever written. hope this makes sense to people who havent played ff10 lol


	2. Chapter 2

At what point is the price for saving the world too high?

For a thousand years, all anyone knew was sacrifice. A life or two to save thousands, if millions was a fair price to most. People are dependent on summoners and their guardians, people need them to stay sane.

A ray of hope in a post-post apocalyptic hellscape, a reprieve from the thousand year cataclysm.

The bigger picture is always more important.

What of the friends and families of those summoners who give their lives to defend those who cannot defend themselves? The friends and families willing to give their lives to protect the one who journeys only to die like a pig for slaughter?

Praise and praise to those who make it through, to those who live to tell the tale, to make sure the memory of those who gave their lives lives on.

No one needed the praise. No one asked for the praise. That’s not what the survivors needed to sleep better at night.

No one was there to console the inconsolable.

Cross himself was proof of that. Having been a guardian himself once upon a time, no one was there for him anymore. Mana and Nea were gone, Mana had become a summoner and Nea died alongside him. Cross told the stories of Mana’s pilgrimage, consoled Allen in his own when he told him of his father-figure’s death, but no one was ever there for Cross himself.

Of course, who the hell would be? To live on to tell the tale was the highest honor one could be given, to be a guardian to someone such as that, a high summoner, someone who made it all the way and brought peace. Momentary, fleeting though it was, it was peace. To guard someone like that was an honor, to show any sorrow for the lost as someone so upstanding was an insult to their memory, to that stupid, stupid, holy sacrifice.

And everyone who lived to tell those tales, now and forever, would be expected to show no sorrow, to hold their heads high and tell those stories as though it wasn’t a knife being twisted in their gut. To tell them with pride. Pride, pride for being unable to save those you hold dear yourself. Duty as a guardian is to protect the summoner even at the cost of one's own life.

It seemed all guardians failed step one right from the get go.

Cross never said anything, no. Of course, why would he?

To survive, to see those you care for, those you  _ love _ , die for the sake of the world. What an honor it must be.

The price of vanity is insurmountable.

* * *

 

Allen Walker was a cursed boy. Not cursed enough for flat out excommunication from the temples, but cursed enough to make people wary of him. To make people believe that his journey wouldn’t last long.

Allen, stubborn and self-sacrificing, would always do everything in his power to keep people safe, even if they hated him. That was what Allen did. Always.

Morning came sooner than expected, Allen and his guardians had a boat to catch before too long. The people of the village save a few held little love for Allen, the scar over his left eye making them worry, it made them cautious.

He had a few friends outside of Kanda and Link, and those people went to see him off, knowing that they would probably never see him again.

No one ever packed for this journey. It wasn’t necessary.

Lenalee and Lavi were among the few who showed up to bid the three of them farewell. They had been dear friends of Allen’s for as long as he was there. He hadn’t always lived on this tiny, tiny island, but ever since he had, those two had been nothing but kind and hospitable. Warm people among the harsh, time-worn traditionalists. Warm smiles and kind hearts were hard to come by these days. They were treasures, treasures all too likely to be stolen away.

It was Allen’s wish to preserve happiness where he could.

Lenalee gave Allen a tight hug. It lasted a long while, it was clear that Lenalee was crying, he could feel the wetness of her tears on his clothes. He knew she didn’t want to let go, he knew that, he knew that if she did, Allen would disappear, and more than likely never be seen again. She only backed away when Allen laughed a little and said: “I have to go, Lenalee. I’ll miss my boat.”

Lenalee then went over to Kanda and offered a more brief hug for him. Still long, since Kanda and Lenalee had known each other since they were children, but shorter than the hug she had offered Allen. Lavi then came in, smile plastered on his face and patted Allen on the back, wishing him a safe pilgrimage.

“Safe travels!” Lenalee said tearfully, voice raw with emotion. She waved emphatically, smiling at the trio as they boarded the boat. Lavi, too, waved at them. The three of them would be offered prayer, later that day, Allen was sure.

Lenalee and Lavi both had their reasons for not becoming guardians, even as much as Allen would have liked it. Komui, Allen knew, would never allow Lenalee to do something like that. He would prefer her stay with him, safe, and as much as she hated to leave Allen behind, she knew she couldn’t leave Komui and the rest of the people she cared for alone like that, not knowing whether she was alive or dead.

Lavi had obligations within town itself, being a researcher and being tasked to travel all around. He was stuck here for now, couldn’t forsake his duty for the sake of Allen, no matter how much he wanted to. Instead, they would both see him off. And hope that would be enough.

Even so, they had both already said their piece, long before Allen decided to become a summoner. Lenalee, when Allen had brought it up, had stormed off and refused to talk to him for a week. Lavi’s ever cheerful disposition had been shaken then, visibly, for a little while. They both talked to him again in due time, but things had changed. He supposed it was the same as it was with everyone he knew, Kanda and Link had been no different. Everything seemed so much more delicate and gentle, after Allen decided to become a summoner. When Allen had expressed his desire to offer his life up for the world. Not kill himself, no. Of course not. Allen would always refute that. He wasn’t suicidal.

And then they would get silent. Always, without fail. There was never more to be said.

They all cared so deeply for Allen, it hurt.

It hurt everyone. All for the greater good. Always for the greater good. Anything.

Any individual torment was worth worldwide calm, after all. 

As Allen, Kanda, and Link got onto the boat, Allen went over to the edge, smiling wide and waving goodbye to Lenalee and Lavi as they got further away.

Allen didn’t cry then, when he turned away from the island to look forward at the sea, the sky. The sun was bright and warm upon the boat, sky completely clear, and water sparkling. Kanda and Link followed Allen to the edge of the boat where Allen sat down, staring out into the sea with a smile on his face.

Allen then pulled out a small yellow bird delicately from his sleeve. The sleeve itself was big enough to support both his arm and Allen’s tiny companion comfortably. The little bird flew in front of him, chirped a little, and then rested on Allen’s head.

Link and Kanda looked visibly taken aback by the bird’s presence, to which Allen laughed. “I couldn’t just  _ leave _ him back there. I wouldn’t go anywhere without Tim, especially a journey like this. We’re a team!”

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate the sights, even if this isn’t his first venture,” Link said, thoughtful. Tim had accompanied Cross back when Mana went on his pilgrimage. He had to have done so, Tim followed Nea everywhere back then, at least that’s what he had heard through the grapevine.

Link wondered, for a moment, if Timcanpy had ever missed Nea. No one knew what happened to him, save perhaps Cross, and he was merely assumed dead by most. As were most people who went out and never returned.

In the meantime, the three of them could content themselves by staying on this boat, watching as the day passed and they ventured onward. The journey itself would be arduous, they knew. It was notoriously rough, but for now, they could rest. On this boat, just for a moment, they could take time and prepare themselves, get their resolve sorted, and push forward. Always and ever.


	3. Chapter 3

The trip went by without incident, thankfully. All too often ships these days would be lost at sea, never to be seen again. It bode well, and left the three of them with high hopes that the pilgrimage as a whole would go well.

Allen was easily distracted, easily misguided, and easily lost. Always one for sentimentality, he took his time to explore things where he could, when he could. It was rare, in truth, to get the opportunity to do so. Allen swore to himself that he would savor every opportunity, and now was a good time for that.

When they arrived at the tiny coastal village, the location of the next temple, the sun was on the verge of setting, the sky slowly became more and more orange, purple and red. Streaks of clouds across the sky, it was beautiful and Allen really wanted to appreciate it.

It was something a lot of summoners did, stopping and admiring the beauty of the world while they could. While they had the chance. A pilgrimage was meant to be fast, meant to be rushed for the sake of the people. Even with this in mind, many summoners took liberties. Allen was no different.

Allen liked to look, to etch every good memory into his mind, to keep every beautiful sight near and dear to his heart. He loved the world, he loved the people, the way it looked, everything about it and would do anything to save it. But before he could, he wanted to appreciate it.

He held the way the sea looked at home close to his heart, the way the sunsets and rises looked over the water. The way sunlight came through the trees in the afternoon around the town. Good memories with his friends, and with Mana while he was there. Allen held all these things near and dear to him, they were all he had. What pushed him forward.

However, experiencing more was never unwelcome. So when he saw this sunset, he wanted to experience it with Kanda and Link. Wanted to sit there, smile, laugh, be in their presence. Forget about the pilgrimage for a few minutes, and lose himself.

Times like that were worth anything.

With an easy smile, Allen grabbed onto Link’s hand and looked at both his guardians, almost wanting to just run to the tiny piers and sit the three of them down so they could watch, enjoy. Instead, Allen merely walked, squeezing Link’s hand before speaking.

“The sunset really is beautiful. Think we could go watch it?” Allen asked, hopeful. He looked in between Kanda and Link, who both looked back at Allen. The expressions they wore were almost sad. Almost.

Link was the first to speak up.

“I don’t see why not.” Allen smiled at that. 

Kanda, on the other hand, said nothing. Arms crossed, already facing away and walking toward the pier. That was about as much confirmation as Allen would get, he figured. So they walked down, walked all the way to the end, and then Allen took his shoes off and let his feet rest in the water, a cool feeling. It had been a warm day, it was warm still since the sun was still up, but the water was cool against his skin. Kanda and Link didn’t make a move to sit next to him, just stood on either side of them, Kanda with his arms crossed, staring at the view but not really looking. He looked concentrated on other things, but that was normal for him. Link had his hands behind his back, looking at Allen. Keeping an eye on him, as he always did.

The silence was good for a moment, but Allen was never really overfond of silence. It worried him. To fill the void, he laughed.

“Come on, sit with me,” Allen implored, trademark smile on his face, though softer now. Almost genuine. “The water’s cool, I’m sure you’d both appreciate it.”

Link was the first to give, as always. He didn’t take off his shoes as Allen did, but that was fine. He sat cross-legged to Allen’s right, taking his eyes off of him and looking over the water, how orange it looked, how the purple reflected and how the sun was fading into it.

Kanda took a second longer, but eventually caved as well. He put his feet in the water, sitting on Allen’s left side, to which Allen smiled, pleased. He knew this sunset, this moment, wouldn’t last forever. He put a hand on each of theirs, squeezing lightly, kicking his feet so that the tiniest bits of water got flung farther into the vast sea.

The sound of the water, the feel of Kanda and Link right next to him, the sound of the small town getting ready to end the day, background voices. A complete experience. Allen would treasure this moment, put it in a box untouched by time, and relive it. He had whole shelves of these boxes, of things he held dear, things he would preserve at all costs. Precious, precious memories that he wouldn’t allow to be touched, tainted, or taken by anyone.

Not even sin incarnate.

“This reminds me of the sunsets back home,” Allen said, smiling lightly. He wasn’t really talking to either of them, more to himself, and they knew that. They were content to listen to Allen talk as much as he wanted. Allen liked that about them. “Remember? They looked so much like this. We used to watch them with Lenalee and Lavi. We’d have bonfires on the beach sometimes. We should do that again. The three of us could do that.”

Eventually, Kanda did stand up once the sun had gone below the sea. The sky still held a purple tint, but it was clearly getting darker. It was time to go again, Allen knew. But he kept talking anyway. “It would be nice, I think. Maybe we can-”

“We can’t stay here forever,” Kanda said, cutting Allen off. Allen knew he was right, he knew he should go to the temple and pray so that they could move on. God, how he wanted to stay here even just a little bit longer, to stargaze with the both of them here. Watch the sun completely fade and the stars fade in one by one.

_ Just a little while longer _ , Allen wanted to say. He knew he couldn’t.

So he got up, put his shoes back on and smiled at Kanda as he walked forward, past him, and went on his way to the temple. It was quite a walk from the small town itself to get to the temple. The forest barring the way, though relatively short in expanse, led to a large set of stairs. Past that, the warm temple. Fire-based, it radiated warmth. Not overbearing, though. A comfort, a warm hug from god himself. A blessing, sent down to soothe the hearts and spirits of the faithful, those who would journey to the temple.

The doors were open at all hours, just like any other temple. And again, just like any other temple, it was dimly lit. Lit only by candles, the whole room was illuminated orange. People were still in there despite it being dark out, though less than what one would’ve normally seen.

Here, within this temple, there were statues of all the previous high summoners, those who had brought calm at the cost of their lives. Many people gathered to pray before one, one of Mana. The previous high summoner.

Allen immediately ran to it, eyes bright even though lit only by candlelight. He knelt down, on his knees before the statue and began to pray. There was a moment’s hesitation before Link joined him, getting down on his knees and praying by Allen’s side. Kanda didn’t join them. Merely watched. There was a look in his eye, then. One Allen didn’t understand, but wanted to. Wanted to more than anything, but now wasn’t the time.

It took time before Allen got up and went to the chamber. He sat there, within the lobby of the temple itself, praying for a while. It took gentle prodding from both Kanda and Link to get him to go into the chamber and begin praying alone. Kanda and Link both sat outside, alone.

It, as ever with them, was quiet. Tense. The hymn permeating from where Allen was, a powerful, rich baritone this time. A different person, another soul willingly sacrificed for god. It was good for filling the silence, for calming Link in particular. The hymn soothed the heart of the faithful, yet another gift. The souls here, bound to sing forever. A ray of hope.

Link shifted, and broke the silence.

“Do you think he prays for us in there?” Link said, on the quieter side.

Kanda looked at him then, visibly confused.

“Why would he?”

Link smiled then, just a little bit.

“Why not? There’s a lot of things he could be praying for in there.”

Kanda scoffed. “Don’t understand why he’d pray for us when the whole world is out there for him to pray for.”

“Everything he does, for better or for worse, is for those he cares about. Isn’t that right? You’ve known him longer than I have, after all.”

Kanda rolled his eyes at that. “Yeah. It is.”

Link nodded. “It isn’t too far a stretch, then. Who’s to say he isn’t?”

“When he comes out, you can ask him yourself,” Kanda said, a small smirk coming up on his lips.

Link huffed and crossed his arms. “Absolutely not. That’s  _ improper _ .”

Kanda shrugged. “You’re the one that brought it up. If you want to know so bad, just go find out.”

“As I said, it is improper to do such a thing.”

“Would you rather I asked him?”

“ _ No _ ,” Link said, stern. “What the summoners pray for within the sanctum is… sacred. To ask such a thing, even to sate a guardian’s curiosity, is taboo.”

“You really think he gives a damn about that?”

“No, but that doesn’t mean I’ll just  _ ask _ .”

“Fine, then I’ll do it,” Kanda said. If Link didn’t know any better, he’d think that Kanda was smiling. On the verge of laughter. It was a small thing, but something that made it easier to communicate with Kanda in that instant.

“You will do no such thing if I have anything to say about it,” Link said, indignant.

Kanda tutted then. “You go on about sacred things and taboos and forget that fighting within the chamber is forbidden? Some guardian you are.” The statement itself held no bite to it whatsoever, but Link still flushed and shut his mouth.

“You’re unbelievable,” Link said after a few short minutes. To which Kanda merely smirked, even though Link couldn’t really see it from where he stood.

The hymn proceeded to play for several long, comfortable minutes before Kanda looked back up at Link from his spot sitting on the stairs.

“Hey, really, I won’t ask him. If that’s really what you wa-”

“Ask who what?” The door to the sanctum had opened and Allen walked out, a smile on his face, eyes bright but confused.

Link replied far more quickly than he’d meant to then. “Nothing.” Allen looked confused for a moment, and looked over to Kanda who simply shrugged. Kanda stood up and walked up to the top of the stairs with Allen, simply standing there, awkward.

Link filled the silence again, changing the subject.

“I trust all went well in there?” Allen nodded vehemently, jumping down the steps two at a time in order to get to the door.

“Naturally! Now let’s get out of here and get some food. We’ll need the energy,” he said with a smile, and turned around to walk out the door.

“Rest, too…” Link said as an afterthought, but shook his head and went down with Allen, Kanda trailing behind.

* * *

They had taken refuge within an inn. There were enough supplies to make a meal for the three of them, so Link took to doing that much. Busying himself with making a meal that would keep them going for a while, a meat pie. As Link worked on that, Kanda and Allen were working through their belongings, getting everything ready for them to leave the next morning.

Allen proved to be a little uneasy around Kanda, nervous, almost scared and it hurt Kanda. It hurt him more that he didn’t know how to make Allen more comfortable, how Link always seemed to be better at these things than he was. Ordinarily, that was fine. Link was always better on the emotional side of things, Kanda could help with most anything physically. That was an unspoken sort of agreement. But Kanda had a feeling that Allen couldn’t just go to Link this time, that it was something he actually did and that hurt him.

Kanda would have to talk.

“Beansprout,” Kanda started, tentative.

“Allen,” Allen said, testy. It was going to be one of those.

Kanda sighed. “Allen,” he started again. “What’s with you?”

Allen looked dumbfounded, whether or not it was genuine was beyond Kanda at that moment. “What?” Allen said, a little laugh escaping him.

“Something’s wrong with you, right?” Kanda said, soft. He was trying to be gentle, cautious in the way Link was sometimes. He could tell it wasn’t working.

Allen laughed a little bit more, smiling. “No, nothing’s wrong, Kanda. Trust me.”

Kanda sighed again, frustrated. He looked back at Allen, who looked like he was going out of his way not to look at Kanda in that moment. He looked almost scared, nervous, and that hurt. That hurt more than he wanted to admit, and it frustrated Kanda that Allen wouldn't just let him fix it.

He wanted Allen to be comfortable with him, to feel safe and protected with him, even outside of his duties as a guardian. And that scared him. Right now, that was horrifying.

Link called for dinner and interrupted Kanda’s train of thought.

Dinner was quiet.

* * *

They rested on a large semi-mattress on the ground. All three of them were there, intent on sleeping together. That was the goal, at least. Allen couldn’t sleep. He was nervous, terrified.

He rolled over, facing Kanda’s back and stared at it for a few minutes, debating whether or not now was the proper time to bring up his concerns.

“Kanda,” Allen whispered, quiet, almost inaudible but Kanda shifted, proving that he was awake.

“Hmm?” Kanda replied, voice rough.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you up?”

“No, it’s fine. What?” Kanda didn’t turn around then, didn’t turn around to face Allen then. In a way, that made things a lot easier, and he was grateful.

“Do you… hate me?” Allen said, slow, wary. Almost immediately after, Allen tried to backtrack. “No, that was stupid, you don’t have to answer-”

“Allen,” Kanda said, stern, but still quiet so as not to wake up Link. Kanda turned around then, looking Allen in the eye. It was intense, just like it always was with him, Allen felt like he could hardly stand to look for too long but did anyway.

“Allen,” Kanda repeated, slowly, more gentle. “I don’t hate you.”

“Then why…” Allen started, unsure of how he wanted to word what came after. Kanda seemed to get it, though, for which Allen was grateful. Kanda sighed, then sat up and pulled Allen into his arms, onto his lap, so that it was more comfortable for the both of them. Kanda rested his cheek on the top of Allen’s head, turning to place a kiss on the crown.

“Because... I don’t want to see you get hurt,” Kanda whispered. To which Allen teared up a little, turning a little to straddle Kanda’s lap and to hug him in return, pressing his face into Kanda’s neck. Kanda rubbed his back then, a calming gesture.

“I know I can’t prevent your fate,” Kanda started, carefully choosing his words. He didn’t want to hurt Allen further. “So I’m just going to protect you along the way, got it?”

Allen nodded then, pleased enough with that answer. “Thank you. Thank you so much, Kanda,” Allen said. He brought his head up and looked Kanda in the eye.

“You know I love you, right?” Allen said.

Kanda smiled just a little at that and nodded. “Yeah.” He pressed Allen into the crook of his neck again, petting his hair with one hand and rubbing up and down his back with the other.

Allen wanted to stay like this for a long while, to fall asleep like this. Kanda rubbing his back, Kanda’s warmth right up against him. It felt so nice, safe.

Kanda didn’t say anything else after that, just stayed there, a warm presence. Soon enough, Allen had fallen asleep, and Kanda had tucked him back in before going to sleep himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited to make it more ic lol


	4. Chapter 4

Allen had the same dream every time he went to sleep. Over time, things started changing about the dream, but at its core, it was always the same. Allen could never tell if it was a good or a bad dream until Mana died. First, Mana would always be holding Allen’s hand, and Nea’s in his other. They would be running. Running for their lives, trying to escape the onslaught on whatever village they decided to inhabit for a short while. The exact village changed almost every time he had the dream. Ever on the run, always running, running away.

_ Move. Move forward or we’ll be killed. _

Allen would always be a child in this dream, always the same age, never growing any older. He would be crying as they ran, scared of what would happen if he stopped or stumbled at all. That never happened. In the end, they would always end up “home”. The place they lived at for the longest amount of time, this was what Allen considered home. Bouncing from place to place, never truly knowing peace until they reached the temple. Monks took in refugees, permitted them to live on the temple grounds for a time. Mana would cheer Allen up then, when they got to the temple grounds. It never took very long, Mana’s happiness was infectious. Nea was happy when Mana was happy. Allen was happy when Mana was happy. And the dream ended just like that, always.

Allen would wake up disoriented every time. It was strange.

Nea, recently, was gone from those dreams.

* * *

Allen woke up to Tim hopping on his face, working as a sort of pseudo alarm clock. It took him a second to realize that it was Tim, but when he did he smiled, sat up, and took the small bird in his hands, petting him softly with his thumbs.

“Thanks, Tim,” Allen said warmly, sleep still working its way in his tone. He looked at either side of him, seeing that Kanda and Link were both already up and out of bed. Hardly surprising, those two didn’t sleep much at all. Allen didn’t either most of the time, but it seemed like they got less sleep than he did. Something that still worried Allen despite them telling him so many times that it didn’t affect much.

Idle thoughts aside, Allen quickly got up, grabbed his things and went to look for wherever Kanda and Link had gone, Timcanpy in tow.

They were waiting just outside of the inn itself, seeming to be chatting idly before Allen came out. Allen smiled at them both, then, and looked up toward the sky. It was a clear day, sky a powerful shade of blue. It looked to be nearly midday, their boat would be leaving soon. Allen started walking toward the boat after a few seconds, Kanda and Link on either side of him.

“You could have woken me up,” Allen said, mocking indignity.

“We tried, but you sleep like the dead,” Kanda said. To which Allen huffed.

“I  _ know _ I’m not that hard to wake up, Kanda. If Tim can wake me up, I’m sure you can.”

“You needed the rest,” Link said, careful. To which Allen laughed.

“Please, Link. We’re going to be on a boat for the next couple of days. You just worry too much.”

Link scoffed. “I worry just the right amount, thank you.”

Allen laughed again, and they reached the boat. This village was tiny, it didn’t take long to get anywhere, for which he was grateful. Townspeople had gathered there, wishing the summoner and his guardians good travels, that they may get to their destination safely. Allen offered them prayer, then. That this village may stay safe until he reached the end of this pilgrimage. He smiled and waved goodbye as the boat sailed away, and kept waving until the people became specs in the distance. He then sighed and turned around to his guardians, jumping up to sit on the edge of the ship, with Timcanpy taking a nap on his head.

“We’ll be heading to a city next, right? That’s exciting, isn’t it? Have either of you been there?” Allen started, eyes bright.

Kanda nodded, crossing his arms. “It’s really not all that great. All that’s there is the stadium, not a whole lot else.”

Allen frowned at that. “Come on Kanda, don’t be like that. I’m sure there’s plenty to do there. It’s a city! One of the two in the world! There has to be a lot to do.”

“Prepare to be disappointed,” Kanda said, coming up to sit right next to him on the edge. Link stood before both of them, hands behind his back and standing up straight.

“What about you, Link? Have you been?”

Link pressed his lips together for a moment before opening his mouth to talk. “It was my home before I came to your island.”

Allen smiled then, wider this time, brighter. “Oh! You never told me! It’ll be good to be able to go home after all this time, won’t it?”

Link nodded, curt. Allen knew Link was withholding something, that something was bothering him. He could tell now was not the time to ask but, fool that he is, he asked anyway.

“Why did you leave?”

Link closed his eyes for a second, then opened them, looking down at the floorboards. He looked back up at Allen then, choosing his words carefully. Allen already felt regret for asking, he already felt guilty, guilty that he made Link remember his past like this.

“You don’t have to answer that, Link, I’m sorry,” Allen said in a rush. Link shook his head then.

“No, it’s okay,” Link said, quiet. “I left for the same reason everyone leaves their home. It was attacked.”

“I’m so sorry, Link,” Allen said, guilt eating him alive. “You really didn’t have to say anything.”

“Drop it, Allen. Please.”

Allen nodded after that, forcing a smile even though he knew it wouldn’t look the same.

“I’m sure we’ll make great memories there, no matter what.”

* * *

It took them roughly a day and a half to get to the city of Luca. Allen was excited to see it from the boat alone. The buildings were tall, the amount of people there was something unheard of. No one dared gathering in large groups.

Easy targets.

Allen and his guardians got off the boat, and Allen immediately went to the city center. There were a plethora of buildings and shops there, things to see. A city by the oceanside, bustling with life. A huge fountain in the middle, people all around it throwing their coin in with prayer.

Allen decided to do the same, tossing a coin in, praying that the people from all the places he would visit and had visited remained safe. Free from destruction, that they may not have to rebuild.

Prayer was all he could afford until he could finish his pilgrimage.

Allen turned around, smiling at his guardians. “Let’s see the sights!”

He then immediately grabbed Link and Kanda’s hands, and they went throughout the city. Exploring the shops, seeing what the town had to offer. Allen attracted the attention of other people easily, being as close as he was to the previous high summoner. Allen revelled in the attention, while Kanda and Link tried to disappear. They weren’t overfond of the attention by any stretch, would prefer to have been left alone. They often tried to talk with Kanda, it was very common, but he was standoffish, no matter how much they poked and prodded.

They then went to a bar, where they had a meal together. It was on the house, they had said, since Allen was a summoner and practically the son of Mana. and Kanda had been hit on, an act that was unforgivable. Link and Allen had to prevent Kanda from attacking whoever had committed the offense, after which they left.

By the end, it was almost sundown. They went to the docks then, Allen had food and they were sitting there, on the edge just like they were in the last village they were in. Allen’s feet in the water, this sunset looking a lot cleaner. A pure orange shooting over the sky, one shade and a clean gradient into night.

“You lied, Kanda,” Allen said teasingly. “Luca is great. I think you just hate fun.”

Kanda rolled his eyes, elbowing Allen in the ribs lightly. “You already knew that.”

Allen smiled then, almost genuine. “Today was really nice. The city is wonderful.”  _ I would have loved to come back here with you both, once the pilgrimage is over. _

Kanda and Link both went silent. Anything either of them wanted to say at that point would have been futile, they both knew that. Since Allen had decided this path, it had been futile.

This boy would do anything to save the world.

It was then that Allen stood up with a start. He had seen something in the distance and, by the sound of it, so had many of the other townspeople.

“Please, not now…” Allen said, sounding almost on the verge of tears. He sensed his guardians moving outside the line of his vision as they spotted what he had seen.

Word had gone around fast, it seemed. This city would not last the night. 

Sin had come to claim it and its people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is late and i also meant to put this and the next chapter together but i needed to get this out so i split it in half. thank u for ur time


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